Embracing Myself During the Quarantine
It's as quiet as I want it to be in here and I like that. No,...I love it.
Yesterday my son came out of his room and did a dance and sang a song that he made up..."Everyday is Saturday". He was shirtless, wearing the same pajama pants that he's been wearing for the past two days (He showers and puts them right back on) and he tops it off with a silky blue durag (he's working on his waves). I cracked up laughing, because he looked so happy and it's kinda true. Most of us are forced to stop, stay inside and do nothing much for a while. As I type this I realize that may not be a good situation for many. I'm truly sorry for that. However, I have been in preparation for a rainy day for a long time. Not knowing what a rainy day actually entailed (metaphorically speaking) and totally forgetting how much I loved them. In saying that, know that the weeks leading up to this,
L I F E was happening to me too. I was dragging myself through it. I was sad and I'm still trying to find my way.
Four weeks ago, Sir came back from a little vacation with our son and everything was great. He brought him home and we chitchatted. About taxes mostly, and then out of the clear blue sky and five years too late he said, "I know I have some papers to sign for you." My emotions were in flux. I was hurt, and upset and I didn't know why exactly, but I went immediately and got them (this was the moment that I'd been waiting for). I needed copies and we needed a notary. A week and a half later, he was at my office to sign them. Thanks to my work wife, Jenn for notarizing. It was finally done. All of that for four signatures and a stamp. It was the longest hurtfully loving fight of my life. I left with nothing, but I still had me. I will rebuild from here.
Fast forward to a few days later, COVID-19 crack down and a few other slight mishaps. I'm now working from home and trying to figure out what all of this is supposed to be teaching me...and since I'm still not sure, I going to do all of the things listed below until I am sure of this life lesson.
1 - S L E E P
2 - Limit the amount of time that I spend on social media while staying social (I'm an introvert)
3 - Make my bed and get dressed everyday, because I love doing those things.
4 - Bake
5 - Crochet
6 - Feed my son and give him his 16 year old space.
7 - Make sure he does some constructive things to balance out the laziness. Virtual School starts Monday. :)
8 - Allow myself to lay or sit still while my body continues to heal from RA and what I went through last Spring and Summer.
9 - W R I T E
10 - Work on my personal projects!!!
11 - Watch movies ( I watched "Self Made last night and I loved it - Thanks for watching it with me Shannon)
12 - Read
13 - Bullet journal
14 - Paint
15 - Continue to prepare myself for life ahead.
I don't know what your situations are, friends. Just know that planning is essential even in the very tiny ways. Like my former husband, Sir used to say: Proper preparation prevents poor performance. Take care of yourselves. We'll all get through this in time. Life just may be redirecting us all to our individual correct paths.
One last thought...
I feel like the sweater that I'm currently crocheting...I'm just an open sleeve.
I was excited to start it, until I realized that I didn't understand the instructions. Now I'm confused, but I want that sweater the way that I see it in my mind. I want it bad.
Maybe I just don't understand the way the instructor has written the pattern.
Damn, I'm out of yarn. I know. Buy more and finish this shit. I can do it. Yes, I will.