Earlier this week I was asked how I'd like to spend Mother's Day. Giving it very little thought, I responded by saying, "I'd like to wear my beautiful new white crocheted dress with heeled sandals. I'll go to Bliss for a Head to Peel full body massage, then to the Mandarin Oriental for tea time" (I have a gift card for both that have been burning a hole in my purse for the past year or so). I also wanted to walk casually around the city and see beautiful things that I'd never seen before and take pictures next to clever street art while eating all the things without getting my white dress dirty. Maybe buy myself another new dress and lots of flowers before heading home to indulge in an entire book with no one around, while eating more delicious things.
Then there was this morning. I woke up at 6:45am...
You deserve to sleep longer Jas.
That's what I thought with my eyes wide open. I laid still and focused on the sky outside. It was grey. I pulled the covers up and hugged my velvety over stuffed pillow, yet I couldn't go back to sleep. My mind was awake and thinking in To Do List mode.
You have to go to work tomorrow and that means you have things to do girl. Might as well get it done early in the day...
-Wash two loads of laundry
-Clean second bookshelf
-Iron uniform for school
-Iron outfit for work
-Wash last night's dishes
-Clean out refrigerator and kitchen pantry
-Buy toiletries and the case of water that you forgot to get with the groceries
-Get the truck washed
-Clean the toilet
-Write a blog post
-Make sure your child finishes his homework packet
-Don't forget to meditate!!! You missed a day
STOP!!! It's Mother's Day.
Mental Silence surrounded me. "I don't want to go out in the rain", is the solemn thought that finally followed. Thereafter another thought, "You don't have to. Welp, guess that eliminates tea time at the Mandarin".
Everyday is like this my friends. I'm not sure what it's like inside the mind of a dad, nor any other mom for that matter, but as for me, I'm usually a little manic on the wake up. I talk myself into and quickly out of things when it gets to be too much just in notion alone.
Lately, I don't even turn on the television, because it's too much to think about in addition to my own deliberation. Silence is so golden.
I sat still in the safe space of the bathroom and read just one chapter of Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng. It satisfied me enough to take a nice hot shower. Afterwards, I surveyed my closet and fingered the intricate pattern of my white dress that hung there waiting for this very day. Nope. It's gloomy and wet. Instead, I pulled out and put on a long sleeved black tee, workout pants and my new favorite polka dot Converse sneaks. I took my time doing my hair and washing my face. I put on a dark shade of lipstick and lots of black mascara. "Happy Mother's Day Jas. You look goth." I shrugged and walk out the bathroom.
My son was still asleep and I was glad cause I didn't want to do shit. Not one more thing. None of the things on my mental list and definitely nothing for anyone else at all. I sat at the dining room table. My sister, Tory was here the night before and had left me a card. She brought another that was from our friend, Latoya. I smiled. My sister's card came with a treat and money of all things. I'll buy myself something clever and I'll do it T O D A Y. And I can do it online without guilt. I propped them up side by side on my table and read all my Mother's Day texts messages. They made me happy. However, they also made me realize that I hadn't mailed out any of the cards that I'd bought over a week ago for others. Not even for my mother and my grandmother. I felt like a serious slacker and I had to tell someone about it. I messaged Tory and then Toya to tell them thank you. To Toya I added, "I slacked so hard this Mother's Day. I pray it's not remembered in the long run. This is the second one in a row." She replied, "You are a mama to O N E! He is the only one that requires your focus...I'm sure you haven't slacked at all. :)" I told her that I wasn't thinking about him. I was thinking about all the other mamas I knew. Then it dawned on me. I was focusing on the wrong thing! Stand still and worry about yourself! You're a mom who obviously needs a proper break.
We texted briefly about what a bad idea it was for our kids to make us breakfast. This was hilarious to me because it was so true! Nobody wants to clean up the mess, least of all mom. I don't really want to eat the product of what you don't know how to cook and then starve until a later meal that I'd have to cook. She was more so worried about them not practicing proper hygiene during preparation. It was all too much. I laughed hysterically.
Within an hour, to my surprise, my son was up, showered and ready to spend the day with his dad. Who came to pick him up earlier than usual for Daddy Sunday.
Which leads me back to one. What does mom truly want for Mother's Day? Leave me the hell alone for a long period of time and when you return bring food and disappear again. I still love you though, so very much. As for the To Do List, nothing awful will happen if you don't do it. Wash the two loads of laundry and fold it while you watch your favorite show. Clean the second bookshelf when you get around to it. Mondays are sweatsuit day at school. Problem averted. Wear something that doesn't need to be ironed to work tomorrow. Only wash dishes one time today or use the dishwasher. Clean the fridge and leave the pantry alone. Save the bottled water and the toiletries for the next trip to the store. Let the rain wash your truck. Clean the toilet. I like a clean toilet. Hello, you just wrote your blog post. Let Sir worry about the last of the homework packet; It's his day and that's a part of the job. Vacuum cause you like the smell and clean lines calms you. Don't forget to meditate!
H A P P Y M O T H E R' S D A Y!
J A S